Monday I had my chemo port put in. Was no fun, but not as bad as I expected.
Tuesday, July 25, 2018...Had first chemo session. Did not hurt, but had to bring a fanny pack home with me that feeds more chemo in and is taken off Friday. Am not to fond of 2 more night sleeping on my back. But I will make it. See Dr. Singh Friday when fanny pack is removed. Next treatment is in 2 weeks. Glad to skip a week.
Dr. Singh says he treats more aggressively than some so maybe I will have a chance at more time. We wasted some time getting this diagnosed and started. Says he needs to get something started or I will not be here in 2 months. He has a few plans for treatment. If tumors do not begin to shrink in 2 or 3 sessions he will go to next step. He has to watch me close and start with small dose due to my LGL. Watches Labs real close.
I will thank God for any more time that he can give me with my kids before I go to be again with Jim.
Jackie and I also went out today and chose a spot for Jim's Memorial Bench. So glad to finally get that done after trying for almost a year.
I went to the dr. today fully expecting more bad news which is all I have had.
Dr. Stephenson does say I cannot have regular Chemo due to low neutrophils. But there are several options to try. One chemo I can try is small doses in pills. He took blood tests to send to other options to see which ones I might be a candidate for.
He gave me pain pills for my places that hurt. And promised that no matter how this comes out they will keep me out of pain.
He is retiring in September. He is going to have me see his partner in Belton so he will be involved in treatment and can treat me. There will be a replacement at Harrisonville, but she will be new to the facility and the patients and will take awhile to get on board with all the patients there.
I have hope now that I will have a bit more quality time with my kids.
Oh how I wish you were here to help me through this.
Not near blockage yet Dr does not want to remove tumor. Could make me worse. Suggests Chemo and just live on and it may slow progress of all the cancer in my body.
Have appointment with Oncologist Tues. Do not know if he can do chemo due to my low neutrophils. Will find out.
So now I will just live one day at a time as long as it is quality. I do not do pain so we will see how long I last.
Give me peace God and help me move on.
When I have had LGL, the dr. does not understand how my body has reacted.
Well guess what, I do not have breast cancer. I have colon cancer. Had a PET Scan and lit up like a Christmas tree. So I actually have lots of cancer throughout my body. But I have 2 masses in colon.
Set to have colonoscopy July 5th. He wants to make sure I am not ready to have a blockage.
Most likely will have surgery if near blockage or not and have the masses removed.
I have no good choices. I can have chemo and see if it will get some of the stuff that lit up over my whole body, then have surgery. Chemo is brutal and I am 80. I have always said that if I have a bad disease, I want my last part of life to be quality.
I have no symptoms feeling sick anywhere, except my normal RA tiredness. Like My LGL, the dr. has not seen a case like mine. I should not be feeling good.
I have been surprisingly calm since I finally got a diagnosis most of the time.
All of us are going to die, and we do not know when. And neither do I. I may have a few months or a few years. But I know I want them to be as good as they can be.
God is supposed to know best for us. I have to accept this. Now all I can pray for is that he keeps me from being in a panic and not wasting what time I have left.
I should have known the way my life has been going the past year or so that I could not just have a benign lump in my breast. The Big C after the biopsy.
Now I am in the process of getting surgery set up. Had consult with regular surgeon. I liked him. But girls think I should see a breast surgeon. And I think it is a good idea. I was all set to have a lumpectomy as this tumor is high on chest wall and none showed up in mamogram. So I thought I was lucky. Bahahahaha....me lucky. If I have that I need radiation and with RA and as tired as it makes me I do not think I can drive to the city every day f0r 4 to 6 weeks. The regular surgeon is willing to take the whole breast, and I may not need radiation.
But I may as well get the opinion of someone who does lots of breasts.
I have no family breast cancer history and this just popped up within a week. I am so confused. So now I wonder if in a year or so it could happen with the other one.
I have had such a struggle this year getting along without Jim. I have not got back to full strength from being down with RA or depression. When this happened I was devastated. I need him here to take care of me. He always took care of me.
Now some days I do not care if I live and others I would like another maybe 5 years of decent health to get my life together.
I have not even got his memorial bench yet. I have it ordered, but I wanted to get it and see that it is where and what he wanted.
Please God give me some good health and a little more time.
I miss you so much. And I need you.
Welcome May. And thanks for the sunshine and warm weather. I have been feeling better, and hope it stays that way.
Time is going by, and it is still hard for me to believe Jim is really gone. I keep hearing things and reading things, and think "I have to remember to tell Jim this".
I still do not feel like I have a life to fill the big empty spot. Hope to find and interest or something to do that makes my life worthwhile.
Have to have my annual Mamogram in a couple weeks. I have found a small swollen gland on my chest wall above the breast. I have had these over my lifetime down in my breast and they went away. Hoping it is nothing, but it is still making me anxious. I keep thinking I have enough stuff wrong with me, and am struggling to live my life, I do not know if I can handle another bad thing right now. Am having many prayers.
Hopefully will have a good summer.
Always thinking of you. You are the love of my life.
April 8 2018 James Allen Shreve was born. Our 19th Great Grandchild. Is a happy day. But also sad as he will be the first one that Jim will not get to hold. He loved babies.
