About to begin a new year. We had a good Christmas, got through it better than I thought. Having all the kids here, and grandkids and great grandkids helped make a happy day.
I realized I actually felt sort of numb instead of raw. Do not know what the deal with that was. But grief seems to be a strange journey. You just keep going through it, and some days are harder than others.
Got my rental house sold. Close in January. That will be one less worry I have. I still worry about my budgeting and getting bills paid, but so far things have went ok. Will feel better getting bills paid and having some back up money for any home repairs that come up.
I cannot say I am looking forward to the New Year, but it is coming so what can I say. I hope I can find my "place". Just cannot imagine what my future will be like.
Life will go on..............
Thanksgiving was "another first". And I know they are hard. We are going to get together for dinner Christmas. It will be hard, but with all the kids around it helps.
I have had some problems with my RA. But sometimes it is hard to tell if it is that disease or just tension that cause aching pain. Will see dr. next Monday and can get another Cortisone shot. Have done them every 3 months and they are lasting longer now.
Last week I just felt cracked around the edges with nerves and sadness. I have done better this week. Traded cars end of Oct. Now I can "step down" to get out and it sure helps my joints. It was 8 hours over 2 days of hell. I have never traded cars before, Jim always did that, and loved the process. I know I got screwed in some way, but not as bad as they thought they were going to get me when they knew I was coming in green. I did actually learn something from Jim over the years. I will always think I should have started to walk away one more time. Still would have got screwed in some way, but got one more bit of a better deal. But I feel like I did okay, I like the crossover better that a car (Ford Escape).
Thurs they come to do my plumbing job putting in cleanouts. Will be costly, but is needed. I was about to check out cause last week turned my furnace on one day and it would not come on. Thought furnace was going out too. I am going to be broke almost by time I pay property taxes. But was a small problem and cost under 100. Hope it will plug along and I can save up some money and get a new furnace before next winter. Lots of prayers going up on that, it is old.
I worry about living with just my income. But it will be a challenge, but hopefully will work out. Need to try to sell the rental house in the Spring and get it out of the way.
I still cannot see any kind of life I am going to have now. I only know how to be a couple.
I guess I will survive until my time here is done.
