Saturday, May 5, 2018

IS IT REALLY GOING TO BE SUMMER?

Welcome May.  And thanks for the sunshine and warm weather.  I have been feeling better, and hope it stays that way.

Time is going by, and it is still hard for me to believe Jim is really gone.  I keep hearing things and reading things, and think "I have to remember to tell Jim this".

I still do not feel like I have a life to fill the big empty spot.  Hope to find and interest or something to do that makes my life worthwhile.  

Have to have my annual Mamogram in a couple weeks.  I have found a small swollen gland on my chest wall above the breast.  I have had these over my lifetime down in my breast and they went away. Hoping it is nothing, but it is still making me anxious. I keep thinking I have enough stuff wrong with me, and am struggling to live my life, I do not know if I can handle another bad thing right now.  Am having many prayers.

Hopefully will have a good summer.

Always thinking of you.  You are the love of my life. 

Sunday, April 8, 2018

NEW GREAT GRANDSON

April 8 2018 James Allen Shreve was born.  Our 19th Great Grandchild.  Is a happy day.  But also sad as he will be the first one that Jim will not get to hold.  He loved babies.


Thursday, April 5, 2018

FREEZING IN APRIL

April is finally here, but no sign of Spring though.  Is going to be freezing over the weekend.

Went to Downstream with Tim, Debbie, and Travis on the bus Wednesday.  Had a good time, but got real tired.  Need to toughen up some I guess.

Called about the bench and tree again on the Trail of Memories.  They are getting a new Board that Meets April 12th.  After that maybe I can get something going.

Am going to plant a tree in the front yard that will grow hopefully before I lose the only one left.  Think I am getting one of those blooming pear trees.  Need to check out trees and see what will work.

I am just kind of blah this month.  Maybe when Spring really gets here and I want to get outside I will be better.  I still have no plan for my life, just live til I die I guess.

Tomorrow they are coming to give me an estimate for a new furnace and a/c.  I better set my clock because I do not know what time til they call.


These 2 little guys are about all that keep me going.  I would do even less if they did not need care.


Sunday, March 25, 2018

ALMOST APRIL

Another week and March 2018 will be gone forever.  Has been a long and sad winter for me. Can only hope April will be the beginning of better times.

Robbin came down today and we went to the Carpenter's Cup and ate at the Flaming Lantern.  Was good to visit with her. Have not seen her in awhile.

Friday I went out to the Trail of Memories and checked out where maybe I can put a tree and a stone bench in memory of Jim.  The place that he wanted is still blank so hopefully people do not reserve spaces while alive. Am going to call Monday and see if I can get something started. 

First Wed. in April going on bus to Downstream with Tim and Debbie. Later in April Marjie and Robbin are coming down and along with Tim and Jackie we are going out to eat for my 80th Birthday. (EEK).

Began some work with hand weights today.  Need to work on strengthening my arms. Going to start walking this week to.  Need to keep my body moving and get more strength.  I have let myself go this winter and at my age am going to pay for it if I do not work on myself. Give me the strength and determination God.

Well am trying to be more positive and this may be as much so as I will ever be the rest of the year.


Sunday, March 11, 2018

STILL COLD AND LIFE SUCKS

Yesterday and today I have got some things I wanted to do done and not napped though I did sleep late due to time change.  The 3 previous days I mostly slept off and on all day.  Do not have to think if you are sleeping. Feel pretty good tonight.

Hoping tomorrow to feel some life and energy and do just anything as long as I am moving.  It is still cold and I hate that.  I am still yearning for Spring and warm weather and hope that makes me happier most of the time.

Tim and Debbie want to go to Downstream in April. I look forward to that.  For my birthday Robbin and Marjie are coming down, and we are going with Tim and Debbie and any of the grandkids that want to go out to dinner.

Jesse is progressing on redoing his house.  Think they are painting this coming weekend. He has looked at flooring but not made any decisions yet.

I just want to feel good and be happy in the time I have left on this earth.  And do something, if there is anything out there I can do...that is not too scheduled.

Prayers that all my kids and grandkids stay safe and healthy.


Thursday, March 1, 2018

MARCH 1, 2018

A new month.  I have started trying to figure out how to get debts paid off, and have some money in savings for emergencies. Taking it slow, and trying to figure the best plan.

I really have no motivation to do anything except what is necessary.  I need to exercise because I need to build my strength up.  I need to find some interests to keep my mind busy.  I actually would just like to sleep and forget everything. And I do a lot, but know that needs to end. Hoping warmth and sunshine will bring me out of some of this.

Sunday, February 25, 2018

FEB ENDING ON A HIGH NOTE

Tomorrow Feb 26, I sign the closing papers on the rental house.  This is going to take a lot of pressure off of me having the final paper work over. Now I can pay my bills off, and hopefully live fairly comfortably on my income.

I  have always taken care of paying the bills and taking care of the finances.  But had a partner and his income.  It has been scary wondering if I am going to make it.  Also worrying about having money to replace anything that goes wrong with my house and also the rental.  Now I will have some back up money for emergencies and the bills we piled up over the years paid.

I do not have many days that are good days, most are sad and I just want to sleep.  Hope as pressure eases, it will get better.  Know missing him will never get better.  I will always feel alone.

But I will always take any bright spot in the storm.