Sunday, March 11, 2018


Yesterday and today I have got some things I wanted to do done and not napped though I did sleep late due to time change.  The 3 previous days I mostly slept off and on all day.  Do not have to think if you are sleeping. Feel pretty good tonight.

Hoping tomorrow to feel some life and energy and do just anything as long as I am moving.  It is still cold and I hate that.  I am still yearning for Spring and warm weather and hope that makes me happier most of the time.

Tim and Debbie want to go to Downstream in April. I look forward to that.  For my birthday Robbin and Marjie are coming down, and we are going with Tim and Debbie and any of the grandkids that want to go out to dinner.

Jesse is progressing on redoing his house.  Think they are painting this coming weekend. He has looked at flooring but not made any decisions yet.

I just want to feel good and be happy in the time I have left on this earth.  And do something, if there is anything out there I can do...that is not too scheduled.

Prayers that all my kids and grandkids stay safe and healthy.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

MARCH 1, 2018

A new month.  I have started trying to figure out how to get debts paid off, and have some money in savings for emergencies. Taking it slow, and trying to figure the best plan.

I really have no motivation to do anything except what is necessary.  I need to exercise because I need to build my strength up.  I need to find some interests to keep my mind busy.  I actually would just like to sleep and forget everything. And I do a lot, but know that needs to end. Hoping warmth and sunshine will bring me out of some of this.

Sunday, February 25, 2018


Tomorrow Feb 26, I sign the closing papers on the rental house.  This is going to take a lot of pressure off of me having the final paper work over. Now I can pay my bills off, and hopefully live fairly comfortably on my income.

I  have always taken care of paying the bills and taking care of the finances.  But had a partner and his income.  It has been scary wondering if I am going to make it.  Also worrying about having money to replace anything that goes wrong with my house and also the rental.  Now I will have some back up money for emergencies and the bills we piled up over the years paid.

I do not have many days that are good days, most are sad and I just want to sleep.  Hope as pressure eases, it will get better.  Know missing him will never get better.  I will always feel alone.

But I will always take any bright spot in the storm.

Sunday, January 21, 2018


Jessie came up Friday and Saturday. Brought appraisal to show me. Appraised at $120,000. Pretty high due to the fact that the pictures showed the house of a hoarder.  Appraiser did tell me all flooring would have to be replaced.  Also it will need to be painted inside, and the main bathroom will need to have new wallboard and floor boards.  The reason I priced it low was I knew I would have to spend about 25,000 dollars to get it livable, and hire someone to do the work, and hope they came. The buyer will do most of his own labor.  Anyhow I am glad it appraised ok, I was worried it would be so bad it would not come out to what I priced.

Now I just have to hope she really gets moved out by end of month. Daughter got moved out,  but have not seen much action going on over there.

We went out and ate Friday night, then went down by Tim's awhile and visited.

I had a real bad week last week, but this past week I have done well, and hope for this to be a good week.

Am trying to live positive, though I have spells of sadness and dispair.  Spring perhaps will make it a bit easier for me to figure out a life by myself.

My babies that make life a little better.

Monday, January 8, 2018


Beginning the 2nd week of a new year.  Closing on house has moved to Feb 23 due to some banking rules for the buyer.  The appraiser came Saturday and that went smooth.  Was worried that renter might bail and not be there to let her in.

Notice was given to vacate by January 30th.  She was not happy, and evidently griped to the Appraiser.  But she has had years to buy if she wanted to or was able to.  Just kept stringing me along. Told me awhile back she wanted to buy in the Spring.  I made up my mind that first offer I had I was taking.  And I did.  Have heard she has found a place, so maybe she will be out on 30th.

Wondering if she is going to pay the January rent without me asking her.  She has 2 days left.

Selling the house has made this month go by better, just knowing I am about to not have that house to worry about keeping up.

My life still feels in limbo and maybe always will, but having a purpose now and then gets me by.

Sunday, December 31, 2017


About to begin a new year.  We had a good Christmas, got through it better than I thought.  Having all the kids here, and grandkids and great grandkids helped make a happy day.

I realized I actually felt sort of numb instead of raw.  Do not know what the deal with that was.  But grief seems to be a strange journey.  You just keep going through it, and some days are harder than others.

Got my rental house sold. Close in January.  That will be one less worry I have.  I still worry about my budgeting and getting bills paid, but so far things have went ok.  Will feel better getting bills paid and having some back up money for any home repairs that come up.

I cannot say I am looking forward to the New Year, but it is coming so what can I say.  I hope I can find my "place".  Just cannot imagine what my future will be like.

Life will go on..............