When I have had LGL, the dr. does not understand how my body has reacted.
Well guess what, I do not have breast cancer. I have colon cancer. Had a PET Scan and lit up like a Christmas tree. So I actually have lots of cancer throughout my body. But I have 2 masses in colon.
Set to have colonoscopy July 5th. He wants to make sure I am not ready to have a blockage.
Most likely will have surgery if near blockage or not and have the masses removed.
I have no good choices. I can have chemo and see if it will get some of the stuff that lit up over my whole body, then have surgery. Chemo is brutal and I am 80. I have always said that if I have a bad disease, I want my last part of life to be quality.
I have no symptoms feeling sick anywhere, except my normal RA tiredness. Like My LGL, the dr. has not seen a case like mine. I should not be feeling good.
I have been surprisingly calm since I finally got a diagnosis most of the time.
All of us are going to die, and we do not know when. And neither do I. I may have a few months or a few years. But I know I want them to be as good as they can be.
God is supposed to know best for us. I have to accept this. Now all I can pray for is that he keeps me from being in a panic and not wasting what time I have left.
I should have known the way my life has been going the past year or so that I could not just have a benign lump in my breast. The Big C after the biopsy.
Now I am in the process of getting surgery set up. Had consult with regular surgeon. I liked him. But girls think I should see a breast surgeon. And I think it is a good idea. I was all set to have a lumpectomy as this tumor is high on chest wall and none showed up in mamogram. So I thought I was lucky. Bahahahaha....me lucky. If I have that I need radiation and with RA and as tired as it makes me I do not think I can drive to the city every day f0r 4 to 6 weeks. The regular surgeon is willing to take the whole breast, and I may not need radiation.
But I may as well get the opinion of someone who does lots of breasts.
I have no family breast cancer history and this just popped up within a week. I am so confused. So now I wonder if in a year or so it could happen with the other one.
I have had such a struggle this year getting along without Jim. I have not got back to full strength from being down with RA or depression. When this happened I was devastated. I need him here to take care of me. He always took care of me.
Now some days I do not care if I live and others I would like another maybe 5 years of decent health to get my life together.
I have not even got his memorial bench yet. I have it ordered, but I wanted to get it and see that it is where and what he wanted.
Please God give me some good health and a little more time.
I miss you so much. And I need you.
