Friday, June 6, 2014


I thought I had a hard April with my first birthday since Mom has been gone. Then I knew I had to get through Mothers Day and Memorial Day. Kids were in and out Mothers Day. For Memorial Day we went to the cemetary a few days before for the first time with both my parents there.  They had put the wrong year on Mom's (2014). Called Gary and he had it fixed the next day. It was a little edgey but not too bad. I have meltdown moments but not as often.

It is 6 months out now, and I have ran into and chatted with several of the workers at Willow Lane that took care of Mom and things have gone fine. Which is why today was such a shock to me.  I ran into Melinda at Country Mart who was one of my favorites, she really took good care of Mom. She tapped me and said hi, I was smiling and glad to see her, she hugged me and said she missed me and missed Mom too, and I just lost it.  I backed out of the hug with my lip quivering and took off. I had to go up and down an aisle or 2 to get my self composed enough to check out.  Luckily I only had a few items.  Made it out of the store before I had my meltdown. I guess it was because she was the one that was with us all at the last, and I had not seen her since .

I am such a control freak that i just am taken by surprise when emotions come upon me like that which I cannot control. I was totally surprised when I came out of the bank from closing her bank account and fell apart. That was the first time it happened.

I thought I was almost back to normal. I do not have to have my phone by me at all times now.  Left it in my purse the other day all afternoon til I noticed I did not have it. Thought that was a big step

Maybe I am expecting too much too soon.

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